Parenting Guide for New Dads: How to Survive Year One (Part 1)

Part 1 - Introduction

Everybody told me what to expect when I was expecting my first child. Friends with kids would tell their war stories, share funny mishaps, and I’d walk away thinking, "I got this". I figure I will be that cool dad that every boy wished they had, and I won't make any of my father's mistakes.

Here’s the thing: no amount of advice can truly prepare you for it because every child, and every parenting journey, is different. But maybe some of my experiences will give you a little head start.

So, here’s what I’ve learned, and hopefully, it’ll help you in some way.

Before the Baby is Born

1. Develop a Communication Plan or Counselling (Yes, Really)

This may not apply to everyone, but it sure did for us. Before kids, my wife and I rarely fought. We had minor differences in some things, but for the most part, what she cared about and what I cared about was compatible. But when our first child (daughter) was born, everything changed. Suddenly, we had this one thing we both cared deeply about, and our ideas on how to raise her didn’t always match up.

And let me tell you, it wasn’t the sleepless nights or dirty diapers that tested us the most — it was learning how to argue and disagree in a healthy way. Things got heated because, for the first time, we had something we both cared about too much. If I wanted to raise our kid one way and she felt differently, it was like neither of us wanted to back down.

We figured out that communicating well is crucial. For example, my wife tends to react defensively in the heat of the moment. Then things spiral out of control because I get angry over the irrational and illogical flow of the argument (yes I can be a little too logical). Soon, we are not even arguing about the initial problem anymore.

We ended up deciding on a rule: no big arguments right away. Instead, we wait for her to send me an email outlining her thoughts. This way, she has time to think, and I have time to process it calmly. It works for us.

Also, we started ending each day by sharing one thing we appreciated about each other. It sounds cheesy, but it keeps us grounded and reminds us not to take each other for granted.

For couples with serious problems, marriage counselling is an important option, if you have a good benefits package from work that could cover the cost, which is quite hefty (it could be upwards of $160+ an hour in Vancouver). Just be careful, many health plans in Vancouver would only reimburse counselling sessions if it is conducted by a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) from the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors (BCACC). If you're not from Vancouver, make sure to double check with Chat GPT before spending hundreds of dollars on a session.

For Vancouver dads, you can use this link to browse certified RCCs (https://bcacc.ca/counsellors/)

2. Get on the Daycare Waitlist Early

If you’re in a city like Vancouver, this is a must. Don’t wait until your baby is born to start thinking about childcare. Many daycares here have waitlists that stretch over a year, sometimes two or three. Things have gotten so bad here in Vancouver, many facilities will charge you a non-refundable admin fee just to get on the waitlist - even if you don't get a spot!

I personally missed out on the more affordable options because I didn’t act fast enough, and I ended up going with a pricier daycare. I ended up doing 3 days a week at Core Education & Fine Arts Early Learning Centre (CEFA), and two days a week with the grandparents.

It turned out okay — CEFA is a pretty good program. They offer breakfast and lunch, a variety of fully equipped rooms suitable for young children, and friendly teachers. The Commercial Drive location even has an outdoor, but covered and fenced off playground attached so the kids always get fresh air playing outside —but it still stung to pay more than I originally planned.

Childcare is a serious problem and, compounded with high cost of living, one of the major reasons for such a low birthrate in recent years.

However, new parents today gets a lucky break - the new $10 a Day ChildcareBC program.

This program has expanded over the last few years and aims to make child care more affordable for parents. The program reduces the cost of full-time daycare from an average of $1,120 a month to just $200, saving families approximately $920 a month per child. As of 2024, there are more than 15,000 $10-a-day daycare spots across the province, with plans to expand further, reaching 20,000 spots by 2026.

This program is part of the larger ChildCareBC initiative, which is designed to improve access to affordable, high-quality, and inclusive child care services throughout the province. Families are able to access these spaces without being income-tested, making it available to a wide range of families regardless of financial background.

More spaces are being added regularly, and the program is expected to continue growing to meet the high demand in various communities, including underserved areas in Vancouver. Keep in mind, there are also additional child care support programs in B.C., such as the Child Care Fee Reduction Initiative and the Affordable Child Care Benefit, which can further reduce costs for eligible families.

For more information on how to apply and check availability, you can visit the ChildCareBC website or contact local licensed child care providers participating in the program.

Get on that early! You don't want to miss the chance at this $10 a day childcare opportunity!

• Official BC Government Site: Here

• Additional Advocacy Info: $10aDay Campaign

3. Invest in Time-Saving or Helpful Items

The first year is hard. You’re sleep-deprived, exhausted, and barely keeping it together. Trust me, anything that saves you even a little bit of time or effort is worth it. Here are a few things that helped me:

• Diaper Genie: If you’re tight on budget, you could use a regular garbage can with a tight lid (make sure the lid can be sealed tightly or the smell will eventually fill the room), but the Diaper Genie works wonders for eliminating that relentless diaper smell. There is also a cheaper version of the Diaper Genie by Playtex on Amazon, and you can sometimes find them for free on Facebook parenting groups. Refills for various Diaper Genie brands are often interchangeable, but double check if you buy.

• Wet Wipes: I don't know about you, but poop is one of the things I am very squirmy about and I came close to vomiting many times changing diapers. These wipes are super handy and will definitely save you some time and hassle with one of the worse tasks IMO. My recommendation is to not buy those fancy boxes that holds the refill packs; instead just buy the refill packs itself. The refills usually come with its own lid and are portable. You can buy a bundle of refill packs and keep them in multiple locations. It's also super handy to take a pack with you when going out. You’ll go through a ton of these, so a subscription can save some money as well.
  
  While I preferred Pampers for diapers, I actually prefer these unscented and hypoallergenic wet wipes from Huggies. If you're interested in getting some wipes, this is my top choice as it is the cheapest per wipe ($0.02)
  

• Diapers on Subscription: Amazon’s subscription saved me money and stress. It's one less thing to worry about when grocery shopping. Although, I did find the default monthly amount is too much, so I modified my delivery to every 1.5 months instead.
  
  I personally recommend Pampers over Huggies but that's based on my anecdotal experiences. I had several packs of defective Huggies diapers where the superabsorbent polymer (those little blue jelly things that absorbs the wetness) leaked out all over my daughter's body.

• Baby Proofing (on a Budget): The bare minimum would be outlet plugs, corner protectors, and cabinet locks. These are generally very cheap on AliExpress. The only downside of AliExpress is the long delivery time (2-3 weeks generally unless you happen to be in a location with an AliExpress overseas warehouse called the AliExpress Choice program). If you can't wait, they are also available on Amazon, but it's more expensive for the exact same product.
  
  If you live in a house with multiple floors, you might also consider getting a gate to ward off the top of the stairs, but that's not a concern until your baby is able to crawl around, so you still have a few months to get this.
  
  

• Simple Baby Monitor: Get a basic audio or video monitor without all the unnecessary bells and whistles. Those high-tech ones with heart rate and oxygen monitoring sound great but are more stressful than helpful due to constant false alarms, and are generally much more expensive.
  
  

Here's some things you don’t really need:

• Bottle Sterilizers: Boiling or using microwave sterilizing bags works just as well for a fraction of the price.

• Specialized Pillows: Regular pillows will do fine for feeding or sleeping.

• Baby Bath Thermometers: Test the water with your elbow—no need for fancy gadgets.

• Baby Knee Pads: Babies don’t need these when crawling. Let them explore naturally.

• Baby-specific Laundry Detergents: Use fragrance-free detergent for sensitive skin. You don’t need a specialized (and overpriced) version.

• Fancy Bottle Warmers: Warm water in a bowl works just as well.

• Squeeze pouch food caps: Lots of new studies finding these type of foods to be not as healthy as they claim, and it is just as messy.

• Bumbo Seats: All babies will learn to sit naturally on their own, there's no need to pay to rush it.

Oh boy, this article is getting a little too long, so I'll leave the after birth tips for the next article!